Challenge #3: Moose Turd Coffee

“Oogackthpftzshssss! Bleh! That was vile coffee!” I said to my son. “Fair Trade though!”

Starbucks, La Verne, Foothill and Wheeler. Not my usual. An older barista (over 30, neh!) with a Master Coffee Sumpthin’ black apron on.

“Hi,” I said “a venti Fair Trade drip, please.” Ms. Coffee Master looks over her shoulder “We’re not brewing that right now . . . “

“Rrrrrr.”

“Would you press it please?” I ask, somewhat abruptly, as if issuing a command to be obeyed, not really asking.

Ding! A light comes on, and she goes looking for the Fair Trade on the shelf. She offers me an organic coffee “Which one [Fair Trade] would you like? This is one,” Ms. Coffee Master temporizes.

“Uhm, no, “I say, again peremptorily.

“It is organic, which is good, but Fair Trade has a specific label”. She looks on the shelf again as the line grows from just me to me+three. “We must be out of it.”

I look too; don’t see it on the shelf, but as I turn toward the register a single, lonely, green bag of Café Estima catches my eye. I pluck it off the shelf, hand it too her without looking – “here you go” – and turn to walk back to the register.

Ms. Master Coffee returns and rings up the venti without a pause, and brings me the brewing coffee press and an empty cup. She has clipped a timer to the press handle to let me know when it’s ready. I am startled and amused. I ask her to pour it when it’s ready. I’m feeling snarky.

As she is ringing up the cup I am snarkier still.

“You should be aware,” I begin, in my best middle school teacher / district manager’s voice “that the Fair Trade coffee has to have the Fair Trade label on it to be Fair Trade; it would be a trade mark violation that the Fair Trade people could be upset about to offer the wrong coffee.”

I smile.

“You should also be aware – and let the other partners know – that Fair Trade is going to be shopped heavily over the next four to six months, and it’s important to say 'yes' and offer the correct, pressed, coffee before the customer asks.”

Gad, I love social engineering.

After a few minutes, Ms. Master Coffee brings me the press and cup again. “Go ahead,” I say and smile. “It’s good practice.”

She presses the coffee, and pours it after one false start. “See, I’m nervous now,” she says.

“No worries,” I say, “I don’t really like pressed coffee much anyway, but offering it right away when asked, and offering the right coffee, is important.” I smile broadly again, as if rewarding an apt pupil. “Thank you! I say effusively.

“Thanks for the lesson,” she says, smiling in return. “No problem, “ say I, content to know that poor rattled Ms. Master Coffee will let the partners know how to find – and handle – the Fair Trade coffee.

In the end, I have to score this a miss, albeit one that was mostly pulled out, and I bet I don’t get a miss here again. And yes, the coffee was damn strong, for a simple drip coffee – and this from a guy that will drink shots of unsweetened espresso. After a few sips I was able to drink it, but if I didn’t feel like I had already harassed the good woman enough, I might have asked for a drinkable cup. (Grin).

(For an amusing story called Moose Turd Pie have a listen to this.)

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Amused by the Starbucks Challenge? Me too. Now come see my real mission in the blogosphere: Easy Green and its companion journal, Observations, and such: Notes on the Kitchen Calendar